Decisions to be Made

Really?! Eve, Really!? Seriously Really!?

2009-09-02T17:16:00.000-07:00

So if you have been following the blog you already know, I have this little thing called Endometriosis. However, right now my menstrual pain is in what some might call "remission" others might know it as "menapause" but I sort of coined the phrase "ain't here so I can eat and do whatever I want whenever I want" either way NO PAIN. Well all that is going to end October 15th and although to, my family and friends who talk to me everyday, I seem to be cool, truth is I am not handling the fact that I might be in tremendous pain every three weeks well at alland I am seriously considering a hysterecotomy. The fact of the matter is I am a little scared, see the endo started in just my pelvic area but now since it is on my lungs, I am afraid how far this stuff will spread and the only thing I can say is Really?! Eve, Really!? Seriously?! You had to eat the fruit from the tree? I mean with all the other things you could have eaten..Shoot you could have even walked up to GOD himself and said: "Suga I like the set up you have here in this garden for me and my boo but I am really hungry, do you think you could fry up some steak or teach my man Adam over here out to fish so that I can get some sort of Protein in my diet...because I'm starting to wonder if maybe this voice that i am hearing telling me to eat from the tree you said don't eat from might be a good idea." Why?! Didn't she listen?..I mean because of Eve-all women after her suffer. So while I am finding comfort in being pain free the story of the "Fall of Man" in the Bible is very much a reality for me especially as Oct. 15th approaches.

Adam and Eve

2009-09-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, I can't keep the excitement much longer-but YES YES the rumors are true--I have a job. I know longer feel like a NO ONE because now I can work and earn a living. See to most people the idea of waking up every morning to report to someone is tiring but for me it means responsibility, it means making a contribution to the world and I CAN NOT wait to start. What a lot of people don't know is that while I pride myself in being good with money, time that I was in school (law school) was hard for me. My hospital bills are enormous, my car payments were starting to fall behind and I had to rely almost 100% on my parents. I HATE the feeling of having/needing to rely on someone else for financial or any help at all for that matter. Hence my lesson for today. See as I said before my boyfriend and I are reading the Bible cover to cover. Last night I read Chapter 2 of Gen."Adam and Eve." I'll give a brief summary of the chapter then tell you my reflective notes on the reading. Basically, God said "Yo, Adam you need some help down there on Earth you know, cooking and cleaning and taking care of all the nice things that I made and while I would love to help I'm God and well I am more like a parent or supervisor call on me when you can't find any other help." So then God said: "Check it Adam, I am going to create someone or something to help you out." God made birds and a ton of other creatures and Adam was like: "Yo G-O-D, look these other things are cool but I am missing something." so God put Adam to sleep because what he was going to do next was going to be sort of painful and well frankly you wouldn't want to be awake for it. God then took one of Adams ribs and made Eve thus the story of the beginning of Adam and Eve. The way I see it--God has someone for you, someone who was made just for you. Which is wonderful if you really think about it. My girlfriends ask me all the time if I am sure that I am supposed to be with my boyfriend and while you can never be 100% sure--I feel like I am. I was made for him and would help him clean the Earth God gave us any day and in any way. So the next time my girlfriends ask I'll just say he is my Adam. So while I don't like asking for help God intended all of us to seek help and to have helpers. My boyfriend has been my helper in more than one way, and since your probably asking how--i'll give you and example: there have been times when I was sick as a Dog lying in bed and refused to go to the doctor that my boyfriend drove me and insisted that I go. But to relate the chapter to my current GREAT news just as Eve was made for Adam and God told Adam that he would love to help out he is the one that you go to when you have no other choice. He is the one you turn to when you can't work it out yourself and well when I was in school and unemployed it was my parents who I needed to turn to for help cleaning up the earth. So today I am thankful for the job that i have been offered I am MOST THANKFUL for my parents and all the help that they have given me. Boy this reflection stuff is great and God has really opened my eyes to things in just two days.

Genesis Chapter 1 God's Work of Creation

2009-08-31T06:14:00.000-07:00

I know its been awhile since I have written a blog post but I am writing now so there: P Yesterday, August 30th 2009, my boyfriend and I attended church. During the service it hit me that I would like to grow a greater and deeper relationship with God but I wanted my boyfriend and I to grow together so I decided what we would do is, read the ENTIRE Bible together and blog about our thoughts from what we have read. Our blogs aren't meant to teach anything or to debunk anyone's beliefs-the purpose is for he and I to develop a stronger relationship with each other and with God-well at least that is my hope. I wanted this to be fun and to make us laugh. I want this experience to be something that brings us closer so that maybe we learn something about one another that we wouldn't otherwise have discovered. Last night began our first attempt to conquer such a deep and soul-searching journey. The night's lesson: God's Work of Creation aka, make sure that you rest on the 7th day. The lesson could have not been truer for us (okay maybe him more than me). Let's see, imagine waking up everyday Monday-Friday early enough to make the 15 to 20 min drive to work to be there by 8am and then working until 4:30pm not just sitting at a desk but running to and from a scanner a copier, the restroom, the courthouse and where ever else your day job required. Imagine reading on a regular basis about child molesters or all around BAD people then returning home just to hear your girlfriend complain about how fat she is, how she doesn't like her looks or anything else trivial she can possibly think of to complain about then preparing in some fashion to muster up enough energy to make dinner, and do whatever sort of school work you can before class that you have on Saturday. Saturday finally comes and you must get up early once again head 45 min to school because rather than staying at your own home (which is a convenient hop skip and jump from your school) you choose to satisfy your girlfriend by staying at her home (which is an inconvenient-hop, skip, jump, run, jog, leap, swim across the ocean, distance away from your school). You sit in class from 9-2pm return home to a girlfriend who (has been trapped in the house all week-more on that later) is ready to go GO! You being the kind, sweet and all so loving boyfriend that you are take your girlfriend out along with her dog and you walk. You don't walk around the corner, you don't walk down the street, you really walk-I mean that type of walking that even the exercise buffs would tell you to stretch before you attempt. After your "walk/trek across downtown Indianapolis" you like most people-and dog are ready for a nap; unfortunately for you your girlfriend won't even let you rest your eyes without complaining that you don't spend time together (although the walk had to be at least 1hour). So after your non-nap you head to her place and stay up again for a second night in a row past 11pm, just to wake up on Sunday to be at church by 11am. Since the post is getting long I'll try to make the rest of your tiring weekend short: Church (11am-12: 30), Lunch (1-1:35), Movie (2-4:30), your house (4:30-5:00pm), your parents house (6:00pm-9: 34pm), walk the dog (10:15-10:24), sit on the couch while your girlfriend eats (11:00-11:34pm), then sleep.
My point in this blog is that although God created the ocean, the seas, the birds, and all the vegetation then created man even he rested on the 7th day. It might not seem like you do a lot (while your doing it) you have done a lot and deserve to rest on the 7th day. So my lesson as the complaining girlfriend is to let your "man" rest- at least on the 7th day. I admire everything that my boyfriend does and could not have asked for a more perfect relationship with him but even God rested and thus he deserves to rest as well. I don't tell him (my boyfriend nor God enough) how thankful I am for everything he does but I am very very thankful for everything that my boyfriend does and everything that GOD does in my life. Who would have thought Genesis the first chapter would have taught me to simply be grateful and to say thank you. Rather than complaining about what my boyfriend does not do--I will learn to be grateful for the things he does do-he truly is a wonderful man and I can definitely see that God made him in his image.

Doggonit I am Somebody

2009-08-06T04:47:00.000-07:00

Day 245 of unemployment. Okay it hasn't been that long since I took a puff of the 9-5, but it sure feels like it. I remember a time when I use to get respect. My friends would call me up and say: "Hey Girl, what are you doing?" and I would say: "Working working working that's all I do." Or bill collectors would call and say: "Yes is this a good time" and my response would be: "No actually it isn't I am working" There was a time in my life when I had no idea what time "Monk" came on USA or what time "Bringing Home Baby" came on. There was a time when I didn't know that if you wake up early enough around 7:30am you can catch Ann Curry on the "Today Show" recite the headlines then quickly turn to MSNBC to catch Morning Joe headlines and then as soon as that is finished turn to 856 just in time to watch the beginning of a Showtime Movie (not to mention I didn't use to know that new movies get released ON Demand every tuesday) See people, these were things I was okay with not knowing--you know the saying knowledge is power--well its a lie. Not all knowledge is power-some knowledge is actually depressing and useless. My girlfriends don't even call now and bill collectors don't call, probably because I am always calling them. Take for instance just the other day, bored out of my mind I decided that I hadn't heard from AT&T in awhile so I called and spoke with Steven-we talked about everything-the weather, plans for the rest of the summer..midway through the conversation he says: "Sorry but I have to get back to work, is there anything related to MY JOB that I can help you with" I just hung up the phone (geesh you think you know a person).
Does anyone remember the scene from "Sister Act II" when Sister Mary Clarence is trying to get the class to believe in themselves and realizes that they have some hint of talent? In the scene she says: "If you want to go somewhere, if you want to be somebody--you better wake up and pay attention." Okay so here is the thing---I AM UP!!! I WOULD LOVE TO GO SOMEWHERE!!! But I am nobody. What she should have said to the musically talented students was: " If you want to go somewhere, if you want to be somebody--you better leave this class right now tryout for a talent show-record a CD and by the time that you are 27 you should have a nice cushion of a job and then Joan Rivers will interview you for her show"How'd You Get So Rich?""
I wish someone would give me my on PBS Special I would call it "Don't believe the Hype: the Turth about education and money." When we are younger we are told that you get the education and the money will come trickling in after that. The truth, Puff Daddy- never graduated college. Beyonce-never went to college. Jay-Z never went to college. Mary Kay Ash (founder of Mary Kay) never went to college. Michael Dell (yes Dell computer guy) never went to college wait he went but didn't finish just like his counterpart Bill Gates who didn't finish college. Walt Disney and Henry Ford didn't even finish high school. Come on people!!! No need to read between the lines what I am trying to explain is that; I have wasted the most important years of my life--LEARNING.
With having finished law school I am STILL looking for a job and right about now I am willing to scrub floors, to gain my respect back. See what "they" don't tell you is that a lot of people even in these hard times look down on unemployment. For instance my boyfriend called me after he got off work and said: "Hey baby what did you do all day? Watch movies?" What I heard was: "Hey baby your lazy and I know that since you are unemployed you couldn't possibly do anything else but sit on your fat (you know what) and watch movies.
My dog doesn't even respect me the same. I swear yesterday he barked at me as to say: "Yo chick don't you need to be a work or something.? Dang I will pay you in Keebles just to get you out of my house for a few hours."
But THE DOG is right I should be a work--I have more schooling than the law should allow and yet this morning I am sitting at my computer trying to decide should I just quick apply for all 75 jobs even if the duties include poop remover?

This BLOG is not supposed to be about Motown

2009-08-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

I left my boyfriend in charge to take care of my dog Motown for one month. When I returned to the comfort of my apartment I noticed that my once healthy, energetic, beautiful dog had been transformed into a ill, slow, okay looking dog. Motown didn't do his usual hyper dog run around my one bed room apartment instead he paced back and forth in front of the tv maybe two or three times and then would sit in front of the couch. When I asked my boyfriend what he and Motown did the month that I was gone he pointed to the BOX of treats on the counter and said Motown has been a very good boy. I guess I was supposed to assume that he was on his best behavior because how else would you reward best behavior then to reward with food? Well about a week into me being back home I thought it best that i take Motown to see the doctor not to mention he had been throwing up and he just wasn't as energetic as before. I really thought something was terribly wrong with Mo (Motown) but when I got to the vet she tells me that my dog is overweight and has bad gas. So first thing I do is call my irresponsible boyfriend and explain to him that he has made a fatty out of my prize winning dog-to which my boyfriend says it is my fault because i don't walk him enough. Well tomorrow Motown is joining me on my diet. Now i just have to decide do I take him running or walking--either way i pray he doesn't do #2 in front of anyones house because there is nothing I hate more than picking up his (you know what)

Got dat Endo!

2009-08-05T13:25:00.000-07:00

In 2005 I found a very ugly bump on my belly button. My mother said: "its a zit pop it!" Turns out it was no zit it actually was endometrioma that was visible above my skin. Nasty I know. Well I had it removed and well a few weeks later I started to put on some weight. It was not regular weight because it ALL seemed to accumulate around my uterus-so first thought was OMG I have been abducted by aliens who got me pregnant. Turns out-NO aliens. I was actually malnourished and had severe aceites. Aceites, which I was told usually, happen to women who have ovarian cancer-NOPE not me No cancer here. So surgery was performed instead I had "IT" ENDOMETRIOSIS. But see I didn't have your regular run of the mill "IT" I had "IT" everywhere. The Endo tissue was attached to my intestine, my kidney, my bladder and everything in between. During surgery the doctors drained nearly 4 liters of bloody like fluid from by body. So the doctors put me on a monthly injection of Lupron, which sent my body through a medically induced menopause. At 23 years old I had mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, cold chills, and a VERY short attention span. But I could not complain because I would take Hot flashes over a menstrual cycle ANY day. Alright so I seemed to be in the clear after coming off of the Lupron injections (6 month cycle) taking every birth control pill imaginable--Life was good UNTIL (there is always and until) December 2008 sometime right after Christmas. I started my menstrual cycle and threw up all over the floor. The pain was so unbearable but I have a high tolerance for pain so I lied down and didn't think anything of it. When I got a chance I visited the doctor for a routine check up only to discover that I had fluid in my lungs. Not a little fluid it turned out that I had 2 liters of bloody like fluid in my right lung (Sound familiar). Yes "IT" was back but this time with vengeance. "IT" had attached itself to my right lung so every time that I bleed so to did every place that had tissue, which included my lung. My right lung was drained 3 times (oh by the way I am 27). My doctors knew that the bleeding had to stop and the only way to do that right now is to administer Lupron injections or to have a hysterectomy (which many doctors won't perform if you don't have kids) I am on the highest dosage of Lupron which means I get injections every 3 months not to last longer than 6 months which is recommended because Lupron does horrible things long term for your body. Anyway my injections come to an end in October. At my last appointment my doctor toyed around with the idea of inserting an IUD which does not stop periods but it does control them-unfortunately for me that means that my lungs will still bleed--So today I will sit on my computer to research the pros and cons of IUD. Today I will decide to IUD or NOT to IUD.

MOTOWN (THE DOG)

2009-08-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Up at 8:00am, truth is I don't think I ever went to sleep. I have a dog who barks at everything--and yes I mean everything. If someone 4 doors away comes home and they have not checked in with my dog to see if it is okay that they enter their own apartment, MY DOG is BARKING, and its not just a "roof roof" here or there it is a "ROOOOOOOOOOF ROOOOOF." I guess my dogs barks are his way of saying: "Hey you, yes you entering your own apartment-the apartment no where near where me and my owner stay...she is trying to sleep and I just want to make sure you know that she is sleeping right here next to my butt (because if you have a dog you already know dogs like to put their butts in your face when you lay on the couch) so please whomever you are, trying to mind your own business be quite." There you have it the reason that I didn't really sleep last night. Not to mention the fact that my dog believes he is human and therefore insist that he have his own spot in my bed. By "own spot" I mean when my boyfriend is not staying over he (THE DOG) insist that he have a pillow to rest his head on. So I GOT NO sleep last night.
I got up from bed. Threw clothes on and headed to the post office to mail off job applications and paperwork for school (I am a full time student-more on that to come). Called my boyfriend (who would like to be a full time student-more on that to come). Came back into the house to see that THE DOG has gone in the trash. Rather than run and hide from me he tried to do the "I'm so glad your here someone broke in the house and forced me to sniff through the trash" look -it didn't work so I yelled (and cursed) and now THE DOG is sleep because apparently he didn't get much sleep either last night. Made a pot of coffee. Sat down to think of the decisions that must be made today.